...and he tells me that my breasts are getting empty. I mean, I know 6 years is a long time by most peoples standards but what better way of feeding Xena in times of drought than by the most natural thing a woman can give a child, the milk of a mother.
We go together to feed the animals, plough the fields and water the plants: she's very strong--it's a family trait. The rest of the household will do their bit later. I still don't understand why my small breasts are such a big issue.
...and he tells me that he'll pop by again in a few days to repeat the lovely meal he cooked for us all tonight. It's a shame i'm going to have to sacrifice this opportunity to be instead with my favourite lover.
To see her at my breasts was such a shock for him. Did he really think that he was the only one? He got angry and told me he would get me back for this. Since when did he become my keeper? He thinks he's god's gift to women.
Today it is so hot we don't have the energy to work the fields so we travel to the city; just the four of us. Pennie is wowed immediately by the energy, so many things going on that she runs off into the bazaar. Aphrodite reassures me that she'll be ok--she's strong, it's a family trait. I sometimes wonder whether being 18 is so different to being 35; the markets here are bursting with colour, the smell is delightful, I want to take all my clothes off and roll around in the many flavours. So many well-to-do people, arms linked in what they call love. Xena is already talking about what a lovely dinner party we're going to have when we get back to the rest of the household. No sight of Pennie so we leave a message at the most obvious place and head back laden with as much food stuffs as we could beg, borrow and steal.
I know Zeus will not be impressed. He keeps lecturing me that I should keep a tighter rein on 'his' daughter; if he was around a bit more often I wouldn't mind so much but to tell me that I'm a bad mother takes the biscuit. Since he left the household and became a fat cat grain keeper he's gone all big-brotherly on me. He's watching everything we do. I know he's just trying to protect us all but jees, I wish he would give it a rest. I daren't say anything though because to do so would open the door to the usual 'you're so outspoken' accusations that he tells women when they don't follow orders. Hades, the so-called Lord of the Underworld due to his womanizing ways, gets like this too. Are they trained at some special women-hating school or something? Must be something to do with the fact that they have that silly extra bit of skin sticking out of them. What makes them think that the world, and indeed sex, revolves around it? I guess they just don't understand what the hell is going on, get a far too noticible growth in their nether region far too often and then proceed to blame it all on us. I'm gonna draw a map for him next time.
Aphrodite doesn't need a map, she knows exactly where everything is.
And she loves my small breasts.
Back at the house we all make up for lost time. I take over feeding Xena's mother. It's such a tragedy; she is only 17 herself, young enough to be my daughter, and from such a strong family. Childbirth can be a traumatic experience enough let alone bringing up a child on your own--I know she wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Her rapist is still out there; they didn't believe that such a beautiful woman didn't want the 'attention he showered on her'. I so want to tell him what he has done to her. Maybe one day I will find the courage to re-live this... We all sit up for hours playing games, sharing our stories; sharing our worries. Xena's mother's mind relaxes enough for her to have a quick cuddle with her daughter before returning once again to convulsions.
...and he sent me a message telling me that Pennie had 'popped in'. Apparently she loved the pomegranate. He says it with such a look on his face that can only signify revenge. My body is shaking with rage–apparently I'm being hysterical. Hysterical? Hysterical; I'll give him fricking hysterical. Now I'm being 'aggressive'. Is this supposed to be an insult? I get blamed for bloody everything--I bet they even blame the weather on me next. He says that instead of feeding Xena I should be feeding the fields. What he means is that I should be feeding him up. I know he's been eyeing up our fields--he wants to nick our land so he can force us to work them then sell off the excess to fund the furnishing of his hideous new homes. I will not let him. These are our fields and I will fight for them till I'm blue in the face.
Hades, jealous of his brothers growing piles of wealth, declares himself god too. I don't care who calls themselves god in order to justify the wicked acts they commit. Zeus and Hades are getting far too big for their boots.
They took our land. They tell the men to start acting like real men. They force us women to work the lands on our own and if we don't all comply they will never return Pennie. Each day we come home exhausted only to have to start all over again tending the house whilst the men are still out learning how to be men. They come home late at night with a new range of weird habits--intentionally farting out loud, rubbing their ever-growing-fat bellies, telling us that the house is not clean enough to make them feel like they want to come home at all. Ok, so some days they bring home a pig but we never needed that many pigs before anyway. We're too tired to argue, we just get on with it. We're so tired from all the extra work that the fields don't get cared for properly.
We become brain dead, docile and weak–-feminine they call it. Xena's mother's condition is getting worse; with no-one to look after her during the day she festers away. The powers-that-be call her lazy and force her out to work too. She can't. They take her away from us. Xena refuses to take my milk.
...and the pain is unbearable. Milk oozes every time I move my arms. And now he's happy coz he thinks he has it all to himself. I'm not sure if it's seeing me in pain or the milk that he loves but none-the-less I wish he would return to just cooking for us in exchange for sex (don't tell him I just said that). I will not let him have another drop - not until he returns Pennie.
Zeus says I'm selfish. That his beloved brother told him I am refusing to do my work (I do hate it when he tells Zeus about our sex life). That if I continue to be on strike that the whole area will starve. Do I want this responsibility on my shoulders? Hades had concocted a whole story which spread through the region like wildfire something about spending too much time running around deliriously looking for my daughter and forgetting about the crops. People now think i'm selfish. I think he truly believes his own lies; that the land is bare because of me. I'm not sure if Zeus really believes it or whether desperate times called for desperate measures.
Pennie finally came home. Hungover and withdrawn from all the pomegranate. Her sheepish look takes me back 18 years; I used to love those little seeds--they last for ages but the come down leaves you drained and careless/free. She is pregnant. 'Oh, Persephone' I cry--I use her full name for emphasis. Hades collapses from the guilt. He declares his undying love for me, trying to be posh. This is exactly the sort of gift I don't want--he'll only expect something in return.
...and he helped wash the dishes which is normally the job of the people who don't cook.
The map helped. He won't admit that he ever needed directions though.
And they all live
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